My Testimony

Hello everyone!

Something that’s very important to me is faith. Today, I thought I would share with you my testimony, how I came to know Jesus and how my faith gets me through the hard times today.

I grew up in a very loving family, consisting of my mum, my dad and my now 28-year-old sister Steph. Steph and I spent the majority of our childhood in Dorset. When I was 7, my family and I moved to Warwickshire as Dad had been given a promotion, and it was difficult for all of us to stay where we were because he was away quite a bit. God has always been in my life I guess, as mum had always believed in him (although not as strong as she did towards the end of her life) yet despite going to a Catholic school, I never felt truly committed to the idea of God and it just seemed a bit too ‘unrealistic’ to me.

Throughout school I was overweight and I was always known as the chubby girl. I had a good group of friends in high school, but that didn’t stop the weekly, maybe even daily, ridicule I would get for being ‘fat’ which obviously took its toll on my confidence. In Year 8, mum and dad both sat my sister and me down at the dining-room table and told us that mum had breast cancer. Seeing as mum and dad wanted to protect us as I was only in year 8, and Steph had just started her final preparations for her GCSEs, they only told us this bit at this point. What Steph and I were unaware of is that not only did mum have breast cancer, but it was stage two, and had also spread to her bones. As many of you will know bone cancer is incurable, and stage two cancer is particularly bad news, as it is probable that their life will be shortened drastically. Once Steph had finished her GCSEs and I was a little older, mum and dad sat us down again, telling us the full story this time. We were devastated, yet I could still see that mum was faithful and strong, which made me feel more hopeful for the future. It was around this time that mum started going to church which restored her faith immensely. A couple of months after joining the church, mum decided to get baptised, something that was completely new to us as a family, but also something that to me, said that everything was going to be ok in the end as mum had declared her faith, and so god would automatically heal her.

Obviously, as I came to learn, things don’t work like that. As the years went on, mum had scan after scan, some proving that she was getting better, and others proving that things were getting considerably worse. She had chemo multiple times, which meant that Steph and I had to do more around the house, and it made us grow up perhaps faster than we had expected to. I decided to go to church every once in a while, to maybe seek an answer from God about what was happening. Despite my faith being restored slightly, my heart and soul weren’t in the church, and most weekends, in fact nearly all weekends, I would rather have a lie-in or go out with my friends than go to church, and when I did go my mind would always wander off elsewhere.

By the beginning of 2014 mum’s cancer had become increasingly more aggressive, and even though mum’s health was declining, her faith was increasing day by day. At this point, I felt I had nowhere to lay my trust in the situation, so just tried to not think about it and focus on school, even though mum’s illness was a part of my daily life. On the 23rd March 2014, mum invited me to go to Hillsong with her. I originally said yes, but chickened out at the last minute. However, dad persuaded me to go claiming it would ‘be a nice afternoon for you and mum to spend together’. So off to Hillsong I went which is when I became a Christian. I learnt that Christianity is not about following a set religion, but about being in a relationship with God. I had always assumed that because I didn’t pray every day, I didn’t read the bible, I swore and I sometimes lied, this meant that God didn’t love me and that I wasn’t worthy to be a part of the church. But it was here that I learnt that God loves ME, despite my sins.\n\nOver the next couple of months, mum’s cancer became worse, and by easter 2014, it had spread to parts of her brain, and to her liver. As I was busy preparing for my GCSEs this time around, my confidence had finally grown and I began to feel happier in myself and what I looked like, mum and dad protected both me and Steph by telling us what we needed to know, and keeping from us the uncertainty of mum’s future, to help keep our lives as happily normal as possible. I attended church regularly now and had built up a relationship with God, and although it wasn’t nearly as strong as it is now, it was definitely a comfort to mum and I during this time. However, something in me knew mum wasn’t going to make it and throughout the last few weeks of April and throughout May, it became clear to us all that mum wasn’t going to live past the next few years. On June 11th 2014, mum passed away, after being in immense discomfort for over a week, and having to have everyone do everything for her. The following weeks were unbearable, and it was then that I finally truly gave my life to God, knowing that I really couldn’t do it without him.

Since 2014 it’s been a bit of a journey to say the least. I’ve had my faith tested countless times, experienced some really tough things like being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and M.E., but I have also met some amazing people through the church and experienced such a comfort knowing God is for me, not against me. I try to do everything in life the way Jesus did – with love, understanding and compassion for those around me and without judgement. I’m not a perfect textbook believer, I could definitely read the Bible more and I am still learning to turn to God in every trial but, I know that there is nothing I can do that would make Him love me more, and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.

With all my love,

L x